It took me a while to establish boundaries as an adult since I did not have any growing up. As a child, I was taught to be obedient and polite and to do as I was told.

There were no off-topic conversations, I was included in adult topics and conversations.

I remember as a child, around 8 years old, my mom and dad were going through a divorce, and I had to be my mother’s therapist. This was a heavy burden I had to manage as an 8-year-old.

I was also a very highly sensitive child, and emotional. I had no outlet or any way to handle my own emotions.

In my early 30’s I suffered from severe anxiety and depression, but I attributed it to the fact that my mother also had severe anxiety and depression.

Some situations were happening in my life where my boundaries were being crossed. I started going to the gym and was being harassed by many of the men there.

I tried to be friendly, but the men wouldn’t respect me and would say disgusting things to me. I didn’t like what they said but I just let it go, as the harassment got worse and worse.

Until one day a man approached me and lifted me up in the air without even asking me. I just stood there frozen, I couldn’t believe what was happening.

I left the gym that night and mentally broke down because I didn’t understand why this was happening to me.

Around that time, I started to receive counseling from my coach, and she advised me that I had no boundaries, and I had the right to say no. This changed the trajectory of my life; I confronted the men at my gym and asked them to leave me alone. It was terrifying but, in the end, it was relieving that I no longer had to suffer through it.

Why is it important to set boundaries as an empath?

Now your story might not be as dramatic as mine was, but there might have been a time when someone violated and disrespected your boundaries which led you to feel discomfort.

As empaths we can soak up the energy of others leaving us feeling overwhelmed and drained from everyone, we must be mindful of our energy and what we are feeling at the moment.

We can be such givers and want to be of service to others that we neglect our needs. We can be taken advantage of by others because they can see how open and given we are.

If we aren’t creating boundaries and taking care of ourselves we can end up being used and abused by others, leading us to feel depressed and empty inside.

Here are the steps to take to create boundaries.

Release the fear of saying NO

We can fear saying no to others because of fear of the reaction we might receive. There can be a fear of disappointing others, but our comforts and needs are just as important.

What you can do is write a list of “worse case scenarios” to the people who are the most difficult to say no to. What this will do is give you an objective view of the situation and realize that it’s not all that bad to say no. When you say “no” to something uncomfortable to you, you are saying “yes” to your needs.

You deserve to be comfortable.

Everyone is entitled to boundaries. It’s your birthright. Becoming conscious that you get to occupy space that feels safe and comfortable is the starting point. Recognizing that a disturbance in this space or condition of feeling safe and comfortable is the next step.

Be Clear about your needs.

What are your values?  When you are clear on your values and what is important to you, you are much more aware of what it is you that you are willing to do and what you are not.

When it comes to emotional, financial, intellectual, and physical needs. Discover what are your needs what are important to you in this area of your life.

• What is most important to you in your work?
• What is most important to you in your relationships?
• What is most important to you in your social life?

Conclusion

As empaths and people-pleasers embarking on this empowering path, you discover that setting boundaries is not an act of shutting others out but rather an invitation for more meaningful connections. By fostering a balance between compassion for others and self-preservation,  as an empath you can navigate the world with resilience, authenticity, and a renewed sense of personal empowerment. Setting boundaries becomes a powerful tool for transforming the way you engage with the world, creating space for personal growth, fulfillment, and a deeper understanding of your own unique gifts.