Communication. It’s the foundation of strong relationships and successful careers, and to have effective communication it requires excellent listening skills.

But good communication goes beyond just talking. It’s about truly hearing what the other person is saying. There’s a difference between listening to respond and listening to understand, and the latter is the key to unlocking deeper connections and better outcomes.

Listening to Respond: A Recipe for Misunderstanding

When we listen to respond we are not actively listening. We are just waiting to interject in the conversation to voice our thoughts and opinions on someone else’s thoughts. This can look like giving unsolicited opinions on how they should handle their situation.

You might think you are helping, and your intentions can mean well, but you can leave the other person feeling misunderstood and unheard.

When you are listening so that you can respond you make the conversation about your thoughts and not about the person who is communicating their feelings.

As human beings, we’re hard-wired to care more about our stuff – our thoughts, opinions, rationalizations, feelings, perspectives, etc. While preoccupied with our own thoughts and opinions, we can miss key points in the conversation.

Listening to Understand: The Key to Connection

Listening to understand is a conscious effort to truly absorb what the other person is saying. It’s about putting your own thoughts on hold and focusing on the person who is speaking.

When you listen with the intention of making the other person feel heard you can fully comprehend what is being said.

You give the speaker your undivided attention both physically and mentally making the person feel safe and trust that they can speak with you.

Like I mentioned earlier everyone wants to feel understood and heard. When you begin to effectively listen to understand you build strong solid relationships.

What you will also notice is that the more mindful you are of being attentive and present when someone expresses their feelings you receive the same consideration back and it feels really good.

Becoming a Better Listener: Practical Tips

In order to become a better listener you have to be able to become a bit selfless and not make the situation about you. Listen to the entire story without interruption, and truly try to understand where the other person might be coming from.

Be patient try your best not to interrupt, if you have to because maybe you got lost in the story there is nothing wrong with respectfully interrupting to gain clarity.

Ask Open-Ended Questions: Go beyond “yes” or “no” questions to encourage elaboration.

Set the intention that you want to be able to understand and empathize with the person you are communicating with. So even if you might have a challenge with breaking the habit of interrupting by setting intentions you are attempting to foster better habits of communicating.

The Takeaway: The Power of Listening

Communication is a two-way street.

By mastering the art of listening to understand, you unlock a world of possibilities. You build stronger relationships, navigate conflicts effectively, and learn more from the world around you.

So, the next time you’re in a conversation, remember: listen actively, put away your phone, and truly hear what the other person is saying. You might be surprised by the impact it has.