There are times when avoidance is necessary for our mental well-being, such as avoiding toxic people or unhealthy diets.

However, maladaptive avoidance can lead to destruction and damage in our lives. When we try to avoid unpleasant things, it keeps us from dealing with the situation and only causes more anxiety instead of lessening it.

Before I was on my healing journey, I would avoid checking the mailbox. It felt like every time I checked it, there were only bills or unwanted mail. My mind associated mail with negativity.

To cope, I avoided it like the plague, sometimes going months without checking it. The mailbox would get so full that the post office would return the mail. It wasn’t until a service was cut off that I would start paying attention, and sometimes it would be too late, leading to ridiculous fees. This cycle of avoidance wreaked havoc in my life, and I couldn’t understand why I kept doing it.

It wasn’t until I decided to face what I was avoiding head-on that my life became much less stressful. In this blog, I will explore avoidance, why we avoid certain things, and ways to overcome this coping mechanism to build healthier coping strategies.

What is Avoidance Coping?

Avoidance coping is a strategy where people attempt to avoid or escape from stress rather than confronting it directly. This can include evading thoughts, feelings, actions, or circumstances that are perceived as threatening or overwhelming.

Examples:

• Avoiding tasks: Putting off important tasks because they seem daunting or unpleasant.
• Escaping into distractions: Watching TV, playing video games, or browsing social media to avoid dealing with responsibilities or difficult emotions.
• Ignoring problems: Pretending problems don’t exist, hoping they will resolve on their own.
• Substance use: Using alcohol, drugs, or food to numb emotions and avoid facing reality.

Why Do We Use Avoidance as a Coping Mechanism?

Our brain believes that if we avoid what brings us stress it is protecting us. We avoid what makes us feel uncomfortable, whether that is an uncomfortable conversation about emotions or having to start a project that we don’t feel ready to start.

These feelings can be so uncomfortable that they make us want to run away from them. By avoiding the mailbox, for example, I was avoiding the feeling of lack and the reminder that I wasn’t in a financial position to pay my bills.

Your brain tries to protect you from what you might perceive as danger, even if it’s not a dangerous situation. The feelings of anxiety can feel very real and threatening.

However understanding the reasons behind our avoidance behavior and exploring strategies to overcome it, we can approach challenging situations with more confidence and resilience.

Strategies to Overcome Avoidance

1. Awareness and Accountability: Recognize and acknowledge your avoidance behaviors. Understand that avoidance can be destructive and that your choices have consequences. Taking accountability means recognizing that even inaction is a choice, and it has its own set of repercussions.

Example: If you avoid paying bills, the consequence might be having your phone service cut off. Recognize this pattern and take responsibility for your actions.

2. Face Your Fears: Confront the things you’ve been avoiding head-on. Start small and gradually build up to larger challenges. Facing your fears directly can reduce the anxiety associated with avoidance.

Example: If you’ve been avoiding checking your mail, set a goal to check it once a week. Over time, increase the frequency as you become more comfortable.

3. Build a Supportive Environment: Share your struggles with friends, family, or a therapist. They can provide support, encouragement, and accountability. You don’t have to do it alone.

Example: Speaking to a coach or therapist can help you identify the root cause of your avoidance. Friends can provide praise and support as you confront your fears and take action.

4. Develop Healthier Coping Strategies: Replace avoidance behaviors with healthier coping mechanisms. Practice mindfulness, meditation, or journaling to manage stress and anxiety more effectively.

Example: Instead of avoiding an unpleasant task, break it down into smaller, manageable steps and tackle it one step at a time.

5. Create Affirmations: Use positive affirmations to shift your mindset and build confidence in facing challenges.

Examples:

• “It’s okay to feel uncomfortable sometimes. It’s a sign I’m growing.”
• “I am worthy of love and support, even when things are difficult.”
• “I forgive myself for avoiding things in the past. Today, I choose a different path.”

Conclusion

Overcoming avoidance isn’t about becoming fearless; it’s about building the courage to step outside your comfort zone with confidence.

Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. By taking accountability, surrounding yourself with a supportive network, and harnessing the power of affirmations, you can break free from the cycle of avoidance and embrace the growth that comes with facing challenges head-on. So take a deep breath, believe in yourself, and take that first step forward.

You’ve got this!