There was a point in my life when everything was going poorly in my late 20s. I was depressed, I hated my job, and my love life was in the toilet.

At that point, I blamed everyone for the reason I was in the predicament that I was in. I blamed the train in the morning for being delayed. I blamed my job for not recognizing my talent and not promoting me. I blamed the men for not behaving the way that I saw as suitable. I blamed the IRS for taking the last $5,000 that I was saving to move for back owed taxes. 

But the blame didn’t stop there, it went further, I blamed my parents for not having it all together and bringing me into this life where I had to struggle for everything.

The reason that I was blaming everyone else was because I felt powerless in my circumstances, as much as I tried to make my situation better (or I thought I was making the situation better) I was still coming up short or empty and there was someone to blame for this.

I was in a victim mentality, and it was keeping me miserable, I was not taking accountability for any of my actions, it was always someone else’s fault. This constant victim mentality was not only hurting me, but it was damaging my relationships with friends and family.

It wasn’t until I took ownership of my own life around my mid-30s that I saw a difference in the trajectory of my life. I no longer blamed others for my circumstances, I realized that life is always going to life, and I had to learn to ride the waves of life.

In this blog, you will learn how to move from a place of victimhood to a place of control over your journey.

Recognizing victim mentality & where it stems from

Victim mentality usually stems from an unconscious belief that something external outside of you is the reason for your situation. There is a feeling that you have no control over what happens to you.

This then causes ongoing emotional pain that leads to learned helplessness, meaning that situations can seem uncontrollable, and you can’t change your circumstances because you have no control over what happens to you.

This thought process can keep you in a state of fear and keep you from making any potential moves to improve your life.

For example, here is a viewpoint of failing a test from a normal response and victim response:

– Normal Response: The material was challenging, but now I know what to expect and how to study.

– Victim Response: I knew I wasn’t going to pass, and now I feel stupid. This was a waste of my time — there’s no point in taking this test again.

So where does the victim mentality stem from?

One of the main causes is life experience, such as trauma or neglect in childhood.

As children when our needs are not met through our guardians or parents, we feel a sense of hopelessness, because we are not adults, and we cannot meet our needs on our own.

In this aspect, the mindset has shifted and developed the “victim mentality” as a coping mechanism. So there begins the thought process “I have no control over what happens to me in my life because of external factors”.

This negative coping mechanism then becomes detrimental to your overall well-being.

Moving from victimhood to empowerment

Release and let go of the old stories.

To overcome these feelings, you have to take control and ownership of your life. Which might mean forgiving the people who made you feel helpless as a child.

Forgiving those who made you feel helpless does not mean approving of what has been done to you, forgiveness can lessen the act’s grip on you. It can help free you from the control of the person who harmed you.  

When you release old stories, you open yourself up to creating new and better stories.

Because unless you release these old stories you will always live your present life in the past.

Develop healthy coping mechanisms.

Remember you developed the coping mechanisms of learned helplessness to deal with the feelings of helplessness as a child.

As you start to detach from the victim mentality mindset you might still deal with challenges in your life that might make the feelings resurface.

For example, you might apply for a job and get rejected, and the feelings might resurface, it’s there that you can then use healthy coping mechanisms, such as:

• Engage in journaling to release bad feelings
• Practice Gratitude for what you already have
• Take responsibility for what you can control in a life situation and how you react.
• Practice Self-Care by prioritizing physical health and getting the energy moving by moving your body.

Take your power back: Take 100% accountability for your life

It can be challenging to feel like your life is under your control when bad things keep happening. 

But remember there are good things as well, life happens for everyone in one way or the other. It is important to take accountability for the things that you can control.

We are all dealt with some type of lucky or unlucky event in our lives.

Take ownership and responsibility for your own needs and wants. Determine what you want and what’s important to you. Name it and do what you need to do to make it happen — for yourself. 

You will start to notice that the challenging events that happen in your life are not that bad. This builds your character of inner power and resiliency, which makes you feel much more confident in yourself.  

So, take your power back.

Conclusion

In conclusion, breaking free from the victim mentality is a transformative journey that requires dedication, self-reflection, and a commitment to personal growth.

By recognizing the signs of victim mentality, understanding its consequences, and taking proactive steps toward change, you empower yourself to reclaim control over your life.

Remember, you are not a victim of your circumstances; you are the architect of your own reality. The journey may be challenging, but the rewards of living a life in control, purpose, and fulfillment are immeasurable.

Start today, take those first steps, and watch as your life transforms into a testament to your strength and resilience. You’ve got this!